You shut up! No you shut up! No YOU shut up! ...

As the evening went to its end, it got kind of depressing for me. First, I realized that I really need to stumble into a woman to get her attention because any other option is non-existant. I just cannot do it (go and talk to her, I mean). Second, N. was completely silent during the drive home. Which is, knowing her, weird. Got the feeling she hates me. Or there is no possible topic to talk about - with me. Am I really this shallow and non-interesting? Goddammit.

But then again... Sorry that I could never love you back helps. I dont know why though, because I always interpret it as targeted at me.

Well, sorry for the depression speak. Anyway, playing my songs with Cube and improvising some new stuff was nice. I guess we (RS) could actually be able to play live. Avana is another story. You gotta SING, man.

Actually first things first...

Misses N. is the one to blame for not talking to you on the ride home. She came over to Sonjas place the next day and told her that she does not want to be told by her what to do so that she actually wants to propose for herself to you that she drives you home and not that Sonja tells her too...that is why she was probably pissed and why she propably was not talking much...

second thing is your woman thing which is not as bad as you think it is. Your problem is your head, and not not your face but your thoughts, i mean they give you away because when you see a girl that you like you are always thinking about how you should talk to her and if she even likes you and stuff like that...i mean you already get rejected in your head a 100 times before you even try to go for it and by the time you want to talk to the girl your brain already tells you that you are bad at talking to girls and she won't like you anyway and that you do not have a chance...take it from me i was like that before but you have to learn to just act normal and not think but act, you know be yourself at all times and just go ahead and talk...about anything...well almost anything (no fikki fikki or other toilet talk!)

I guess we will practice that with you in Jesolo...

First lesson - how do i talke to a girl and not have my damn brain make it all go wrong! :-)