I found out that I need someone to guard me...someone that can slap me when i go crazy...someone that tells me when to stop...little problem is i got no one like that.

Yesterday was a fucking bad day, i mean not bad but it was too long and involved too much alcohol and getting high for no reason, i mean is there ever a reason...do i need another plan or is the one i got now pretty ok. I think i I hate for the wrong reasons which is the same problem why i love for the wrong reasons.

I mean man, someone that plays with me in a band who i wanna talk to more than anything is not around cuz he is too stuck with his own shit to see that i would need him right now, i mean am I not makin myself clear or am i not communicating, man with my damn mouth he has got to hear this...

Do i destroy myself for someone cuz I feel that it would make things better, yeah i probably do and no one stops me, which means no one cares? No, well then show me someone who does...i mean espescially persons that i though were there for me are not, they are just not seeing it...i think i am not seeing it anymore, am i really seeing or do i just catch quick small glimpses from a picture of something that i want but can not have?

My thoughts were so loud I could not hear my mouth...my thoughts are so loud...