Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you...

Strange days are upon us...

I fought it for a long time, the brain crushing thoughts, the never ending unhappiness and everything that comes with it but every fight has an end and i guess what you are left with then is probably a result, in my case...nothing....

It kinda seems obvious that someones body feels old at times after your reach the mark, i guess. Still as of late my body feels more like a train wreck than anything else and it just wonders me cuz i used to beat the shit out of my body, literally and i just did not feel the effects.

Nowadays i just, u know, carry a small piece of furniture up to my appartment and i feel the pain in my spine. So am i getting old or am i imagining that i am getting old or is it because of a lack of work out?

I am working on working out, 5 times a week since this week...let's see if i turn into a bad mofo or if working out actually is the bad mofo.

high five to me!

I know it does not make any difference to write it down but still...

nothing goes right...nothing works and i am not sure why but fuck it i gotta get it going somehow otherwise i can just you know jump right of that fucking bridge...

with that said...back to learning n all that stuff...

...because I am in need of music that fits the weather and my mood...so we turn to help from Dave Matthews and his friends...thank you very much.


(maybe it is just the medicine talking...who gives a shit anyway?)

Well you said you wanted war, but nobody wants to fail the future
If you say it's too late, it's not too late - I want to wake up on the
Day I found you - I want to wrap my shaky arms around you
I want to find a decent way to tell you I need to spend some time alone
I want to take this in the wrong direction - I want to say this to my
Own reflection - I want to find a decent way to tell you I need to
Spend some time alone - right now, it was the words that you
Were gunning for - all I wanted was to let you know
Just wait a second, and I'll give you what you're waiting for,
Or make a promise and refuse to show that things fall apart
Well you said wanted more, but nobody wants to wait forever
If you say it's too late, it's not too late - I want to show you
All the things I promised - I want to give away the things I wont miss
I want to find a decent way to tell you I need to spend some time alone
I want to write down all the things you say - I want to have you
In my life today - I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops - cause im tired of being alone - back of the van
Not too late - don't have to wait - you want it all
Right now you know, everything that you said,
Just forget about it

(FareWell - War)

Don't forget we sent letters to ourselves without words
+
+
and it was just to remember those days that we spent in our heads...

Pahahahah...it is like a bad comparison but you know resolutions are like when you stop smoking again and again. Because let's face it, in your life you have about a million resolutions that you are just saying out and never even put a lot of effort into them, you just say it so you feel better...or you actually feel like you have done something by just saying it.

Right now I am trying to not only hang on but for the first time ever really do what I am saying. Funny thing as I am writing this an acoustic version of Dave Matthew's Gravedigger is playing. So much for the cheerios but fuck it, it is a great song and it is hard to day for me but only a song.

So if you see me around the next time, don't ask how it is going, I am still breathing so...funny thing, cigarette lit by Dave Matthews is playing now...so long

Cigarette lit
My plans to quit
And I know I can but I know I will forget it
Stuck here, I need something quick
Jus' to stop me thinking
Always loud, always in
Jus' come in to me