I never sleep
I been awake for what feels like a year
cause when I dream
My mind puts a face
To each one of my fears
Im exhausted by my imagination
I close my eyes
But I could still see the pain on your face
Its your disguise
You put your heart and soul on a plate
Im exhausted by my imagination
The walls are bleeding cause Im hallucinating
Beneath the wheel I cannot slow its rotation down

I got to get away from here
But theres nowhere I can go
Everyone I recognize looks at me like I am lost
Walking down these dire streets
I thought I heard you call my name
But its only in my head
Or maybe it was just your ghost

Up in the sky
The clouds are dirty so soon it will rain
I lost my mind
After you told me that you went insane

Im a victim of my imagination
These walls are talking but Im hallucinating
Beneath the wheel that will not slow its rotation down
Down
Down in my head

I got to get away from here
But theres nowhere I can go
Everyone I recognize
Looks at me like Im a ghost
Walking down these dying streets
I thought I heard you call my name
But it was only in my mind

Your body may be gone, I'm gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Don't think so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile....

Ich hasse mich...

We played live...

for the first time...

last night...

it was amazing and i would have to lie if I would say i enjoyed it all the way...

but in the end I did...

(you tube videos can be found at http://jtr.twoday.net/)

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me

I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

I finally got my Anti-Flag record...and with it i got a bad look from the lady at the counter, cuz of the whit house and the graves and all...ohhh my god, i am a terrorist was what her look said..

naww anyways, I am trying to read that damn Edgar Hilsenrath book...again, could not do it the first time, maybe second try is a charm or so...

fuck, am I talking shit or what...yes i do

I got a nice big monitor now by the way, talking shit big kinda i suppose...

I found out that I need someone to guard me...someone that can slap me when i go crazy...someone that tells me when to stop...little problem is i got no one like that.

Yesterday was a fucking bad day, i mean not bad but it was too long and involved too much alcohol and getting high for no reason, i mean is there ever a reason...do i need another plan or is the one i got now pretty ok. I think i I hate for the wrong reasons which is the same problem why i love for the wrong reasons.

I mean man, someone that plays with me in a band who i wanna talk to more than anything is not around cuz he is too stuck with his own shit to see that i would need him right now, i mean am I not makin myself clear or am i not communicating, man with my damn mouth he has got to hear this...

Do i destroy myself for someone cuz I feel that it would make things better, yeah i probably do and no one stops me, which means no one cares? No, well then show me someone who does...i mean espescially persons that i though were there for me are not, they are just not seeing it...i think i am not seeing it anymore, am i really seeing or do i just catch quick small glimpses from a picture of something that i want but can not have?

My thoughts were so loud I could not hear my mouth...my thoughts are so loud...

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
No one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real?
So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home

Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah


I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah ah
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah ah
And it's the stars that lie
The stars that lie to you, yeah yeah

Oh when the stars
Oh when the stars that lie.

*From Stone Sour's Come What (Ever) May*

So there we have it, today, falling on my ass once again, not learning cuz you all know I can be thought but I am not learning...

When someone asks you: "How is it going?" and you answear with: "Well I am not going anywhere..." you know that something is wrong, with yourself, well maybe with someones ears too but that is not my case.

Am I not listening to people or am I not paying enough attention?!? I suppose it is a combination of both and the lack of sleep and food latley did not make life better...

Well do I know a solution? No but the real question is do I want a solution?!? And here I am again unable to answear a simple question...

Ever had the feeling of being somewhere without a reason, telling a joke an no one is listening but at the sametime smelling the rain before it actually rains, waking up at 3 in the afternoon just to jump out of bed and get some coffee and climb right back in your bed...

Yesterday evening was just like that. It started pretty ok with people all around me, laughing and drinking. After that we went to someones party and I felt like being in a strange video with everyone moving so much quicker than myself.

It did not get better as we finally made our way to the so famed UniParty. I recall talking to people but all that i remember from their words is bla bla and a couple of "How are you" were thrown in my way. At first I figured well ok today is just like everyday but it came to me that life is to short and I feel small...too small i guess.

I tried to sleep...

with the words stuck in my head

"Nobody can save me
Nobody should save me
Nobody can say how it feels alone..."